Bee Strong

This is an example of how I won't be typically blogging but I felt it necessary to get out just the same because tonight I'm hurting.  And the person I want to help me, doesn't know how to talk to me. Seems like that's always been my issue.  I'm difficult, complicated, dramatic, unworthy of patience, compassion and understanding and always trying to someone's nerves.  That's me.  It's not exactly how I want to be and some of my personality is uncontrollable.  Most of me wants a fairy tale.  Someone who will see ALL of me and think "Even at her worst, she ain't that bad" instead of thinking "Jesus Christ, she's driving me crazy.  I can't deal with this."  Is that too much?

I'm tired.  I just wanted tenderness and closeness.  I wanted the words and the actions.  Yes, actions speak louder but when you haven't heard the words in so long that you forget the impact of the sound...the words are powerful.

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain, there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain (in the pain), is there healing
In your name (in your name) I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be OK

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain(In the pain) there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),
I'm barely holdin' on to you

(The above are lyrics to Broken by Lifehouse.  One of my favorite songs.  I believe that if I can ever make it through the song without crying, I've made it.)