Upgrade This!

It's no secret that most of the world today is plugged in and online.  They are searching, scrolling, emailing, posting, tweeting, making purchases, uploading videos, playing video games and sometimes a combination of all at the same time on their cellphones! We have to have the latest gadgets and gizmos. Life must be easier!!  I hear many complain about this.  That society has lost itself in a sea of raging technological advances and has forgotten how to do and think for themselves. Studies have been done to determine the effects of this constant barrage of information and stimulation to children and adults alike.  I don't need to see study results.  I just watch people around me to see how we are holding up.  Let me tell ya...we ain't lookin' so good.

Yes.  We are overweight and distracted.  If it takes longer than the time to microwave a hot pocket, we can't wait.  We've got things to do!  Gotta run down and buy the latest addition of Halo, set TiVo to record that new vampire show that is going to be so much better than the last five attempts to convince us that while vampires are nasty pale and suck blood they can feel love too and download 100 songs to add to the accumulated rotation that already has a continual play time of 742 hours. Busy, busy, busy!

My biggest complaint with technology is cell phones.  Not so much the cell phones themselves, even though by the time I get my new phone and learn all the little bells and whistles, it's time for an upgrade. And while I have accepted that I do require a cell phone to live (What?  It's not like I'm some rock dweller who communicates through smoke signals!) I don't understand the attraction of so many bells and whistles.  I want a low maintenance phone.  I want to talk (gasp!) and text.  I'll suck it up and adapt to the camera function but I'm not happy about it!  I don't want to go blind watching tv shows on my phone screen.  Here's a secret.  I have a television!  I don't want to listen to music on my phone.  Psst.   I have a radio and even jumped on the ipod bandwagon.  I don't want to take pictures with my phone.  Yep.  Got a camera.  It pisses me off to no end that most of the pictures I've taken with my phone look like I shot them while approaching warp speed.  "Is that blur Grandma or the cool mushrooms we found in the yard?"  I never wanted to be a surgeon but DAMN can I not get one picture that doesn't look like I'm having a Parkinson's attack.

Which brings me to my biggest complaint about cell phones - other people who own cell phones.  They are always trying to convince you that what you have is one step up from two cans and a string while they are one step away from communicating to extraterrestrial life. "My phone instantly uploads pictures to Facebook, reminds me of all my favorite television show premieres, allows me to check the weather without going outside, book flights and hotels without talking to anyone, order lunch and dinner AND have it delivered, reserves movies, let me know my bank balance, keeps track of my receipts..." Yadda, yadda, yadda.  To which I say, "Does it have a defibrillator and a breathing tube, fat ass, so that when your muscles atrophy and you start growing to the that chair you might have some chance of surviving?  You know, just so you can get the next upgrade."